The Biggest Secret about Moms

By Animah Kosai

They rock the workplace. If you let them.

Here’s 10 reasons why:

1. Mothers have an insane talent for multi-tasking. Pay the bills, do the house chores, send the kids to school, pick them up, ferry them to tae-kwando, dance class, piano class, supervise their homework and cook dinner at the same time. And they didn’t attend project management courses. It’s inherent.
2. Doing all this successfully means excellent time management skills. Being late or forgetting can mean a child in tears and who wants that?
3. Focus on safety. When it comes to driving, kids are buckled up and mothers have eyesight like a hawk when they watch their children in the playground.
4. Pain and exhaustion stays on the back burner. Until everything gets done. Absolute dedication to the job.
5. Paying attention at the task at hand. Because if you don’t, your kid will howl at you, much worse than any boss on earth.
6. Motivating kids to do their homework. This brings to play incredible leadership skills and getting your team to perform. Especially when its maths!
7. Setting key task areas for the day and month, and meeting them almost 100%. Some mothers are nazis when it comes to list making and ticking them off. The mothers are the ones who will make sure your corporate KPIs are met.
8. Knowing the essential items to procure and getting the best price for it by doing research. Mothers will have a list at the supermarket, have set their budget and will compare prices against weight and quality. Excellent procurement skills.
9. Fantastic negotiators. Do you know who are the best negotiators in the world? Kids. And who has to face these top class negotiators everyday? Their mothers. Mothers learn to see through manipulation, rebut clever arguments as to why a 10 year old NEEDS the latest iPhone and, well half the time, gets her way. Fathers on the other hand have a much lower success rate. Mothers have excellent negotiating skills. When you visualise the “other side” as a bunch of whinny spoilt kids, you are more likely to win your negotiation.
10. And the moms who do all this WHILE at work? They have great delegation skills. The ability to delegate the driving, the house chores and the homework requires good teamwork and interpersonal skills with the people who are doing all this for you. And guess what, while these mothers may run out as soon as office hours are over because they have to do the evening pick up or cook, you can be sure that they delivered 100% while at work. They know how important that pay cheque is to raise their children.

So the big question. Why are mothers the bottom of the pecking order when it comes to hiring?

The painting is The Cradle by Berthe Morisot (1872)

Working From Home and Working Remote.

~ by Lina Esa Öberg

The idea of working from home is very new to the Malaysian work scene. Working remote is almost an alien concept! One of our founders, Tazz Muhd-Poyer, is doing both! See how she manages to work, be a mom and deal with the time zone issues.

Can you tell us about yourself and how you got yourself to work from home?
I’m Tazz and I was once an English teacher. I enjoyed teaching immensely and still keep in touch with the kids I used to teach via social media and the occasional postcards. After I got married to an American, it was decided that I would quit teaching, as my impending move to the US would make that very difficult!

I had been writing for an online newspaper for about two years then, and found out they were looking for a new sub editor. Although my background was in education with a degree in teaching English as a Second Language (ESL) and I had no experience working in the media, thanks to my writing stint with them, my editor was more than happy to hire me as a sub editor. My bosses have been awesome and allowed us to work remotely. We work on the honour system, which means I do what I’m supposed to do, and they’ll continue allowing us to work remotely. So far it has worked out well and we are all happy with the arrangement.

Please tell us how your day starts and when do you start work?
My days start very early. I have requested to be put on the afternoon shift, which starts at 4pm Malaysian time, 4am US time. I wake up a bit earlier than 4, and work until noon, or 12am Malaysian time. I get a one-hour break, which I often use to cuddle with my baby or take care of some chores.

How do you organize your home and your work under one roof? Do you have a dedicated office space?
Usually in the morning, I work in the living room or at the kitchen table. My son sleeps mostly in the morning, so since our master bedroom is downstairs (and he still sleeps with us since we’re still nursing), it makes it easier to stay on the ground floor so I can hear him when he wakes up. During my shift, he’d play and explore the house.
We have a room upstairs, a playroom/sewing room. Sometimes I’d take him upstairs so he can play while I work. It all depends on how we feel that day. My house is pretty much my office. Sometimes I work in my jammies!

How do you organize your time between being a mom and work?
This is very hard to answer! I find myself being both at the same time sometimes. For example, sometimes especially when my son is younger, he wanted to be held all the time, so I had to hold him and focus on my work at the same time. Babywearing has helped me attend to his needs and focus on my work. If you are a working mother with a young baby, this might be the solution to your problem!

I feel like there need to be the ability to shift fluidly between the two roles. Some days my son wakes up earlier and refuses to go back to sleep, so I would have to entertain him or play with him. My colleagues usually very understanding when I tell them I need to attend to my son, and will cover for me while I am gone. The nature of my work is very flexible and so I don’t have a hard time deciding which is more important, my job or my family. Both are important to me, and I strive to be the best at doing both.

How disciplined do you need to be to do your work and to be a mom?
Since my work is shift-based, to me that time, 4-12 is time for me to work. Occasionally my son would come to me wanting attention and I would not be able to attend to him as there is a pressing story (that just came in which need to be upload NOW), so I would try to distract him with toys or books.

If you are a work-at-home-mom who freelances/run your own business, then there needs to be some sort of routine. Having a routine helps create that feeling that you are working. Make sure your child knows that there are time for work, and time when they can come and play with you. With a child as young as mine, that might be difficult to do, especially when to him, the computer is something else for him to chew on! But WAHM friends with older kids have shared that once explained, their children understand that mummy needs to work and will play independently during the specified time.

It is very easy to get sucked into watching the latest show on TV instead of focusing on your work, so make sure you dedicate some time for work and for leisure.

Sometimes I like having some music as background noise, especially when I’m working on something stressful. It helps your brain relax. If your work requires you to stare at the computer for hours like mine does, make sure you take a little break to rest your eyes.

Are you able to find work-life balance that is considered difficult to achieve by those who commute to an office?
Definitely. I love that I am able to work and generate an income while at the same time, be home with my son. I don’t have to leave the house, I’m able to watch my son grow and save on daycare costs (which is exorbitant here in the US). My editor has been kind enough to roster me to work on weekdays so I would have my weekends free to spend with my family. Occasionally I would be scheduled to work on a weekend, but since that very rarely happens, I do not mind it one bit when I have to. Plus, it is not hard for me to work, since I work from home and do not even need to leave my house.

The thing I love about being able to work from home is that I am not wasting time commuting and being stuck in traffic jams. I have some friends leaving home very early just to beat the traffic jam on their way to work, and spending close to 3 hours everyday just commuting. That sounds horrible to me, and I can never do that. Even when I was teaching, my house would be very near my workplace, one was so near I could hear the bell ring from my apartment!

My husband commutes to work, spending around 90 minutes each day in his car and he does not enjoy it. We could move closer to his workplace, but we really like where we are living now, as it is a safe, quiet neighborhood with a very good school nearby, so we feel it is a fair trade off.

After I finish work, I will prepare lunch, which takes about a couple of seconds to go from my workstation to the kitchen. Then I would play with my son, read with him or maybe bake. In the evening as we wait for daddy to come home, we do yoga together or go for a walk around the block. I feel like my time is better spent, on things that matter and I feel less stressed compared to when I had to physically be present at the office.

How do you communicate with your colleagues?
We get on GMail and use GChat to communicate with each other. We also have each other’s phone numbers in case the Internet cuts out (which does happen even in the US!). We are also friends on social media so we have various ways of communicating with each other.

Are you able to have a good social interaction with your colleagues?
Yes. Some of them I have never met in real life, but we talk so much with each other we have built a good relationship with one another. I share my baby’s pictures and they tell me about their lives. We trade stories about life, and share a laugh about a funny video. We usually meet when I’m in Malaysia and my bosses would have a makan-makan session for all of us.

What do you love the most about working from home?
I do not have the Monday blues! I love that I am able to be home with my son and watch him grow and develop. I was there when he sat up for the first time, I was the one to catch his first smile – memories which as a mother is very dear to me. We get to save money on daycare costs, which is exorbitant here in the US. Some working mothers I have spoken to said they actually stopped working outside of the home because when they calculated the daycare costs with how much they were making, they found out it was just a few extra cents, which was so not worth it! I love that I do not waste time commuting and have no overhead costs. I don’t spend money on gas or car maintenance and I feel my time is better spent.

What are your greatest challenges?
House chores. I wish I have a magic wand so they get done without me having to do them  having said that, I make sure I do certain things on certain days as to not be overwhelmed by them all, and am lucky enough to have a husband who does chores too. We pick up each other’s slack and I am thankful for that. For example, he would load the dishwasher and I put the dishes away once they are done.

Running a household is a lot of work and some days I slack off and not do certain things, then I would feel like the worse wife/mother ever for not doing them. It is hard to keep a neat home when you have a baby who tears into everything! He recently learned how to open the kitchen cabinets and had a whale of a time taking everything out and rearranging them on the floor all over the house. We put childproof locks on the doors but he managed to work his way around them in less than 5 seconds!

As a former teacher, my previous job required me to meet and be around hundreds of people everyday. Now the only people I see everyday are my husband and son. It can get lonely but I have an active social life outside of work, and I get my fair share of people from those activities.

I’m very active in the local babywearing group and am training to be a Babywearing Educator (BWE). I am also admin of the Malaysian Babywearers Facebook group, where we share and give advice on how parents can babywear safely. Social media really helps keep me connected with others so I don’t feel as secluded as I thought I would be, working from home.

Would you recommend others to work from home? In your opinion and from your experience, is working from home a good idea?
Yes, and yes. I find that working from home allows me to spend better quality time with my family. I also get to work on things I am passionate about – sewing, baking, writing – as I do not have to spend time commuting. I’ve been sharing the things I made with friends and have received orders to make it for them, which is great because now my hobbies are generating an income for me.
I feel like I get more out of the time I have! I love that I do not have to waste time doing things that I can complete at home very quickly. For example, during my one-hour break time, I can eat, run the dishwasher and put a load of laundry into the washing machine. If I am working in a conventional office setting, there is no way I can do all that.
Working at home has its challenges. It is very easy to fall victim to the charm that is your cosy, comfy bed, especially when everyone else is snoozing away. It is hard to focus on work when you have a crying child tugging at your legs, wanting to be held. If your spouse is not very understanding of your work arrangements, then working from home can be a bane rather than something that enriches your life.
I have mad respect for mothers who work out of home and work from home. Being a dedicated mother is a full time job. Some mothers I talked to spoke about feeling guilty, about not being able to ‘be there’ for their kids because they are out working, or feeling like they are wrong for being a stay-at-home-mom and not enjoying it. I always tell them, do not feel bad. Do what you have to do, to put food on the table, to keep your children happy and healthy, and find fulfilment in what you do.
I work because I love being able to put my skills to use. I did go to university and had a career pre-baby, and feel like I have more to contribute to society. A lot of women quit the workforce after they have their babies, which to me is such a loss as women have so much to offer to the world.
If you can work from home, do it. I promise you won’t regret it.

 

Mothers’ Day: Your Children can teach you Leadership

By Animah Kosai

A few nights ago I had dinner with an ex colleague. We hadn’t seen each other in years so we chatted about people, our projects and the companies we were with.

“It’s funny you know,” I said, “in one day I have to play fierce lawyer when dealing with errant contractors, then be in a gentle receiving mode to advise harassment victims and coachees, and yet firm with various teams in getting work done. And now I am trying to inculcate a Happy workplace.”

“Sounds like parenting,” he replied.

Yes, parenting, leadership at work. What’s the difference?

Ask any other mother what is the greatest gift she has received. And she will tell you, her children.

To me, children are more than just love and responsibility.

I look at my daughter and her friends, and I learn from these feisty wise little sages.

Often when we have grown up, we have left much of our passion and dreams behind. As a mother, I had the excuse to revisit them. I rediscovered my childhood games, desires and fun. Thanks to my daughter, I can now buy and read those beautiful children’s books without feeling silly. I can play Lego to my heart’s content. With her, I can screech toy cars around the house. In painting with her, I discovered my own inner artist which had stayed hidden because when I was at school there was only one way to paint – perfectly. For decades I believed I was a bad artist.

But it is through children, that we re-discover our dreams and inner self.

And she has taught me the leadership principles you can find at all those fancy expensive courses.

One of my favourite questions when I do group coaching is to ask “what is your dream job”. I encourage them to think about what they wanted as children. Many answers come from the heart and have nothing to do with the shallow success focused society we live in. I get farmers, pastry chefs, rock stars, pilots and dancers. As an aside, although doctors and engineers have popped up – nobody has ever said lawyer. Even among the many young lawyers and law students I have asked.

Everyone goes back to what they truly feel – music, food, nature, fixing things or helping people. Our children are already there. As long as we don’t suppress them with our views of success.

The reason why I ask adults these questions is because many are so caught up with society’s expectations and this notion of a career ladder – once you are in a chosen career, you climb, climb, climb, rung by rung until you reach the top. And then you retire. Have you looked at the faces of people in senior positions? What do you see? Joy? Weariness? Stress? Happiness?

Can an unhappy leader really motivate people around him or her?

Can a happy child motivate you?

What if we were to bring childlike joy to the workplace? Look at Google and Zappos where happiness at work has become a focus.

I ask my groups to remember their passions and their talents. I then ask them to identify which of those they use at work. If there are very few used, then why not? Have you seen a child attempt to use their passion and talents in their assignments? They often try. But then who tells them to stop? Their teachers and their parents.

So when anyone tells me, oh my boss won’t let me be this way. I ask, really? Have you even tried? Or is it because 30 years ago, your mother told you to stop because in her mind, following your passion really won’t work in the “real world”. Think about it. You are setting your own limits, not your boss.

What we are now trying to introduce at work – getting employees to be happy and passionate so they can be innovative, solve problems, be strategic and visionary etc. – we have denied our children.

So my message to all you mothers on Mothers Day – listen to your children. Stop getting them to listen to you all the time. Watch and listen to them. See how they play, the ideas they come up with.

Better still, ask for their advice on how to approach work problems. As I grappled with contractual issues on a ship that would not go where we wanted it to, my then 5 year old daughter suggested that perhaps the captain wanted to go home which then opened a whole new perspective. Till today I ask her for advice on how to deal with difficult personalities. By advising me, she gets her answers to her problems.

Children have this uncanny ability to go straight to the root of the issue. Adults are often too afraid to do this because they are uncomfortable.

So Mothers, you have the greatest gift sitting right in front of you. Go and enjoy them.